It's Just a Flesh Wound

I'm not gonna lie. Last week this whole trying-to-go-out-on-my-own thing stopped being glamorous and magical and got really hard.

I've struggled with whether to post about it or not because I really want to keep this blog positive and talk about God's goodness on my journey. But I realized that God turning bad events/circumstances/relationships into opportunities for growth and change is still His goodness. Besides glamorous and magical 24/7 is not realistic and I know you know that. My readers are smart!

Without getting into specifics (because I don't know who reads this and it's a small world after all), two jobs ended up in disappointment. And I lost a regular source of income (unfortunately because my friend also got laid off and didn't need my services any more). It wasn't much to begin with, but it provided gas money/fun money every week.

I had a couple restless nights and quite a few tears over it all. Not exactly the way I envisioned starting this exciting new chapter in my life. I was hoping for some gimmes that would help get my confidence up after the layoff. But I will say the timing with Easter couldn't have been better. I needed the reminder it's a season of rebirth and impending victory, and I can't help but feel hopeful again in spite of the bumpy start. In fact, I have even more resolve to be successful at this.

Now this may sound like a non sequitur but hear me out: I believe in satan. The Bible says he exists and that God has given him dominion over the earth for the time being. It says he "comes to steal, kill and destroy." He and his henchmen are constantly assaulting us emotionally and spiritually, trying to distract us with fear, worry and ignoble pursuits, trying to get us to give up or quit, telling us we suck, etc. Never has that been more apparent to me than through this whole ordeal. It's only when I stand that kind of internal chatter up against all the great things God says about me (Genesis 1:27, Psalm 139:14, Galatians 3:29) do I see what outright lies they are. (Humanists call this the "power of positive thinking." But without the frame of reference God provides for us in the Bible, how would we know what to believe about ourselves?)

It took me a long time to realize this life is one prolonged spiritual battle. I guess you don't stop to think about that when you're just living for yourself like I did for a long time. Why would you? You have no greater purpose, so you're not a threat to the devil. ("It's all about me! You, not so much!") But the closer you get to God and the more good you're doing for Him, the more heated the battle. If satan can take you out of the game, he wins. But he can only take you out if you let him. Which is the main reason my resolve is now even resolvier. I will not let him!

Thanks for listening and for keeping me in your prayers. I know I had a lot of people praying about my state of mind last week and I do believe that's the reason I'm not passed out on the sofa with an empty bottle of wine right now.

Happy Easter!